Do you ever feel like sex is a chore? Do you feel like sex is just one more thing on your long list of things to do? You’re so freeking tired from running around for the job, the house, the kids (if you have any), the spouse, that you don’t even get any self care time, never mind have to make time for sex?
I hear you. I was there. Instead of kids I had parents who needed help. I was up early, commuting to work and home, tried to get a workout in after work (that didn’t happen too often), then get home, eat quickly, have a shower, clean up the kitchen, talk to the parents and hubby and by then I was exhausted.
Of course it didn’t help that I was overweight and my hormones were completely out of whack. My cortisol levels were high, my progesterone levels were tanked and I did not feel very attractive. My hubby was great. He wanted sex with me but OMG after the days I put in during the week … I didn’t have the energy!
Do you ever feel like that? So what are you supposed to do? Sex is one of the most important aspects of a marriage. It’s not really the act that’s important as much as the intimacy that accompanies it. During those years when sex was quick cause I didn’t have the time or energy for anything more than that, we seemed to drift apart somewhat. And that’s never a good thing. Despite how understanding a man is, he needs that intimacy, that reassurance. And so do you whether you realize it or not.
When my mom died I had the overwhelming feeling that if I didn’t change my lifestyle I was going to join my parents far too young, and I wasn’t willing to do that to my husband. I eventually met a health coach who helped me turn my health and my life around. He emphasized how important intimacy was between spouses. So as I changed my diet, started to exercise, lost the weight and got my hormones balanced, my sex drive came back with a vengeance. My marriage got stronger and we got closer again.
Every marriage goes through ups and downs, good times and bad. Marriage is about compromise, acceptance and understanding and moving past the tough times. The one thing you should never sacrifice though is intimacy with your partner.
What can you do to improve your intimacy? Eat a healthy diet including some fruit, lots of vegetables and some lean protein. Make sure you’re drinking lots of water. Avoid processed and fast food and consume coffee and alcohol in moderation. Most important, talk to your partner about how you’re feeling, what you want, what you need from them.
If your relationship seems a little stagnant, try putting on some sexy (or slutty) clothes and initiate sexual contact. You can make a night of it by making a nice meal, have a glass of wine with dinner and listen to some relaxing music. Talk about your fantasies with your partner, whether you want to actually do act them out or not. You might feel a little awkward at first if you’re not used to it. That’s ok, do it anyway. If he hasn’t seemed that interested lately, initiate anyway. But what if he says no? Then talk about what’s going on. Maybe he’s just tired. It happens, especially as men get older and deal with their own stressors. The biggest aspect to sexual intimacy is communication, both verbal and physical.
If you want a safe place to ask questions about sexual health and wellness, please visit us here and ask to join the group. No judgment from anyone. No question is off limits. If you’re uncomfortable asking questions in a group environment, please contact me directly and we can arrange a conversation.