Have you given any thought to what your sexual fantasies are? Are they dreams or are they more daydreams where you consciously think about them? Do they add to your sexual experience or are they an escape? Do you fear them or do you relish in what they give you?
Many women use fantasies to spice up their long-term relationships. Let’s face it ladies, having sex with the same person for years and not changing it up much can get … well … kinda mundane. So if you’re in a great relationship and you use fantasies to spice things up (preferably by sharing with your partner but if you’re not comfortable doing that or want to keep it to yourself, that’s cool too), fantasize away. It’s totally normal and healthy. The bonus part of sharing with your partner is they might be feeling the same as you and want to explore doing new things but have been afraid to approach you about it.
However, and it’s really important to be honest with yourself here, if you fantasize to escape a situation you’re not happy about, then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship. Fantasies are supposed to add to a relationship, not provide an escape from one. So seriously, if you’re using fantasies as a way to avoid or endure sex with your partner, please look deep to see if you really should be with that person after all.
So on to the common fantasies.
- You’re out at a hotel overnight with your partner. You get dressed up, you go for a nice dinner, a few drinks, dancing. While on the dance floor, you start teasing each other, dancing provocatively. You can’t stand it any longer so off to the elevator to go to the room where you immediately start making out while your partner tells you everything they want to do to you. You’re practically ripping each other’s clothes off before you make it into your hotel room. Once inside, you get naked quickly and act out everything your partner described they wanted to do to you.
- Outdoor sex in the woods, at a secluded beach, in a random place along a quiet country road or even in your own backyard. Outdoor sex for many is amazing and while often avoided, it is fantasized about a lot.
- Exhibitionism is a common, safe fantasy. You might like to walk around the house wearing next to nothing, hoping that someone will walk by and see you or come to the door unexpectedly. This is probably the safest fantasy because it does not involve any action.
- Being a stripper. Let’s face it, a lot of us like to dance and when we do we can get pretty provocative so it’s natural that some women would want to take that one step further by removing clothing and having men and/or women watch. Some fantasies take it one step further by giving someone a lapdance, which then turns into very hot sex. The safest way of course to live out this fantasy is to dance for your partner. Put on some sexy lingerie under a barely there dress and dance away.
- Sex with another woman if you’re heterosexual. There is a massive difference between sex with a man and sex with another woman. Women know better what another woman wants because they’re built basically the same. It tends to be gentler unless you bring toys into the mix in which case it can get rough if you want it to be.
- Sex with a man if you’re a gay woman. Some gay women fantasize about a man performing oral sex. It’s impersonal and all about the sex act itself. It’s safe for them since there is no emotional connection. For some women it’s oral sex only; others want intercourse.
- Sex with a stranger. Whether it’s a stranger that you meet and chat with then end up having sex with or a stranger that comes up and starts to touch you and, with your consent of course, you end up having sex. Sometimes no words need to be spoken and no names or other personal information is exchanged.
The above common fantasies can take all kinds of twists and turns … these are simply the most common “safe” fantasies.
Next week we’ll talk about the kinkier side of fantasies; some of which may get acted out, others most women would never consider doing.
Wishing you a fabulous week.
Sandy O’Shea, CNP