Sex & Intimacy

So what’s the big deal about sex anyway? Well, for one, you wouldn’t be here without it. Just sayin …. 😉

Humans crave personal connection and there is no better connection than an intimate, sexual one. Did you know there are actually health benefits to having sex on a regular basis? I kid you not. Get this … sex:

  • improves your immune system
  • increases your libido (how cool is that 😉 )
  • helps protect your heart by keeping estrogen and testosterone in balance
  • helps lower blood pressure
  • improves mood and relieves mild depression
  • reduces effects of stress
  • helps promote better sleep
  • strengthens pelvic floor muscles
  • improves bladder control
  • releases endorphins (always a good thing)
  • releases oxytocin (the love hormone)
  • improves connection with your partner
  • improves intimacy with your partner

So with a list like this, how could you not see the benefits of sex on the regular. I know … you might be thinking “but Sandy … I’ve got a full time job, long commute, kids I need to care for and taxi around, housework and cooking … and you want me to have SEX????”. Look … I know you’re likely tired and stressed and pulled in 50 different directions at once. I hear this from my clients ALL the time. But here’s the thing … quite often (not always) if you just relax and start the whole sexual experience, you’ll probably get into it, enjoy it and feel so much better afterwards. Will this happen all the time? Probably not, but by keeping your sex life alive, you’re maintaining and improving your connection and intimacy with your partner and benefitting from some great hormones.

Can you enjoy sex without intimacy? Definitely. Can you have intimacy without sex? You bet. Do they work better as a team? Absolutely!

So what’s the deal with intimacy and why is it important? Well, what happens if one partner has a medical condition that prevents them from having sex often or at all? What if they’re not physically able to perform certain acts? If you have a strong intimate connection, it’s much easier to work past that and keep your relationship strong.

Let’s face it, as we age, our bodies don’t work the way they used to. Sometimes men have trouble getting or keeping an erection. Sometimes women experience vaginal dryness, often due to lack of estrogen, and sometimes this causes painful sex. Kind of the opposite of the desired effect, you think? So when bodies don’t work the way we want them to, having intimacy with your partner allows you to maintain a close connection with them despite the lack of sex. The other alternative of course is to explore touching, kissing and oral sex if intercourse isn’t much of an option. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones to experience magic, but it always must be consensual.

My husband and I went through a period of about 10 years when our sex life wasn’t what it was in the first part of our relationship. I was fat, stressed and unhappy and all I wanted was an orgasm every so often. I wasn’t interested in the 30-60 minute love sessions. It had nothing to do with my husband. It was me. It turned out my progesterone was really low and my DHEA level (pre-cursor to estrogen and testosterone … the main sex hormone drivers) was that of a 63 year old. I was only 45 at the time. I lost the weight, got my stress under control and went on bioidentical hormones. And boy did my libido come back with a vengeance! Unfortunately his had tanked. He was under a LOT of stress and not dealing with it well so his interest in sex was “meh”. Of course, being a woman, I took it personally, when in reality it had nothing to do with me. Ladies … are you paying attention to this?

Finally things got better and we got on the same page except he was having a little challenge with endurance (which was never an issue before) but this happens a LOT with men and nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a physiological thing. But we got over that challenge as well.

So if you’re struggling with your libido, intimacy or sex life, email me at and we’ll chat to see how I can help you best.

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