Let’s face it. Life is busy, stressful and way too short. Your sex life, however, should NOT be any of those things.
Why would I write about such a subject? Because I firmly believe that life is too hectic, too stressful with too many things vying for our attention to waste time with mediocre sex. WARNING … I’m going to be a little more descriptive than usual today … just sayin ….
I was listening to Aubrey Marcus one day, narrating his book “Own the Day” (I can’t say enough amazing things about this book … buy it, download it, listen to it … whatever … but please … do yourself a favour and BUY IT!!) and he talks about how we aren’t taught how to have sex, never mind great sex. Unless of course you end up with someone who has learned how to be a great lover, in which case you are very fortunate. Feel free to pass on the education.
So here I go again with my “TALK to your partner” speech. If your partner is not making you feel amazing, helping you orgasm (yes, it’s a partner sport … most of the time anyway), then you need to tell them what YOU need.
I’ll address the guys first because, well, they’re so much less complicated. Guys … if your partner is not giving you a satisfactory hand job or blowjob … explain to her what you want her to do. Please be nice in the way you handle it cause women can be very sensitive about this stuff. If you want her to do something (or not do something), just tell her. Guide her mouth and/or her hands. Do you want her to cup your balls and lightly squeeze? Do you like ass play? Please tell her. Do you like your nipples licked or nibbled? She might not think so … tell her.
Where do you like to cum? In her mouth or on her face? On her chest? Inside her vagina or ass? Tell her!! We can’t read your minds although some women are better at picking up on non-verbal cues than others. Got it? Ladies … are you reading this????
OK … now it’s on to the ladies …. WAY more complicated. We have more “playthings” 😉 Ladies .. the communication thing goes for you too. Oddly enough, this one might be tougher for you than it is for the guys. We aren’t taught to tell the guy what we like and don’t like. Too many generations of just do what he wants. Well, guess what? Sex is supposed to be amazing for you too and any decent man will do his damnedest to make sure you’re pleased.
Let’s start with your nipples. Do you like them sucked, pinched, bitten? What about having a cock slide between them? Nipple rings or clamps? Guys can’t read your mind and many don’t pick up on non-verbal cues so you need to tell them what you like.
What about ass play? Is a finger in your ass okay? What about tongue? A penis? A butt plug or anal probe? Don’t forget, ass play comes with a set of rules that revolve around hygiene. You know … like no ass to vagina or mouth; use a condom or have him wash his fingers and/or cock right after before you do anything else. Yeah … it can interrupt the flow but trust me … the last thing you want is an infection from bacteria that’s been transferred from your anus to your mouth or vagina. And if anal play grosses you out or is something that is on your “not on your life” list … that’s okay too. I used to have such a thing about it until I tried it and holy cow!! When it’s done right … amazing!!!! But that’s just me 😉
Now onto the clit and vagina. Do you like receiving oral sex? Do you prefer his focus to be on your clit? Do you like fingers inside your vagina at the same time? What about intercourse? What’s your favourite position? Do you like to change up positions? Do you orgasm? Do you squirt?
Please don’t get me wrong … there is NOTHING wrong with you if you don’t orgasm. Life is crazy and it’s easy to let our minds get the better of us. It’s hard to orgasm when you’re thinking of the 5,000 things on your to do list. I’m simply encouraging you to take some time out of your schedule (they’ll be waiting for you afterwards) … relax enough that you CAN have an orgasm and just enjoy sex!! It’s also much more difficult for women to orgasm when the intimacy is not there … if there are problems in the relationship. If you’ve never had a really good lover. If you’ve gone through trauma. That’s a subject that is WAY out of my league but I just want to put it out there.
By now you might be thinking this is a little … clinical perhaps. What about spontaneity? What about having fun? That is definitely all part of it and if your sex life is fun and satisfactory then by all means … go to it. This article is meant for those who AREN’T having satisfactory sex.
I am by NO means suggesting that you kick your partner to the curb if sex is unsatisfactory. That’s a tricky thing to do if you’re in a long-term relationship. I need you to TALK to each other and work together to figure this out so you CAN have mind blowing sex. You BOTH deserve it!
Here’s the thing … if you’re in a casual relationship, playing the field or if you’re in the lifestyle, there is no need for repeat performers … unless of course you really like the person. Then you might want to put more effort into it. I know … the first time or two can be less than stellar but unless you’re REALLY into the other person … is it worth wasting your time on mediocre sex more than once?
I certainly don’t mean to sound callous. I just want you (whether you’re a man or a woman) to have an amazing sex life. It can have an enormous impact on the rest of your life.
I didn’t talk about same sex partners. The same goes for them too. You would think that men would know what other men are into and same for women but in reality … we’re all different with different likes and dislikes.
So be sure to be vocal about what pleases you and what doesn’t. You know … talk to each other … what did you think I meant 😉
Have an awesome day and go have some fun!!