Have you ever felt invisible? Have you ever questioned what your purpose is in life?
That was me in 2011. I was fat, unhealthy and miserable. One day my body locked up and off I went to a new massage therapist. It turns out he was also a health and life coach. He told me I needed to reduce my circumference (polite way of saying I was fat) and he offered to help me. That day changed my life.
Working with a clinical nutritionist, he identified that my hormones were completely out of whack and I needed help getting them back in balance. My sex drive had tanked and my relationship with my husband was not great. I followed his directions (almost) to the letter and within a year I lost 60 pounds and found my sex drive again. The results were so amazing that he reignited a passion that had been buried for about 25 years … helping others. I decided to go back to school to become a holistic nutritionist and life has never been the same.
It wasn’t easy … up at 4 am to work out, commute 90 minutes by transit to work, work at a job I no longer enjoyed with people who did not bring out the best in me. Then it was the trek to school two nights a week for 2 years. When I wasn’t working or in class, I was reading or doing assignments. I basically became a hermit. Through it all, my husband picked me up at school, which was a 30 minute minimum drive for him each way through snow storms, torrential rains and heat waves. He kept the dishes done and did a lot of barbequing so I could commit my time to my studies. I couldn’t have done this without him.
The first year of school was good. My weight stabilized and everything was good. The second year it started to creep up and boy was I ever brutally hard on myself. I was a nutritionist after all. If I couldn’t keep my own weight under control, who was I to tell others how to lose weight? Then a series of events happened which caused my stress levels to skyrocket and the weight to pile up again. It got so bad that my manager at work asked if I needed to see “someone” (aka a psychiatrist or counselor). I knew it was time to get my act together so I enrolled in a program with another more experienced nutritionist and got my hormones back under control a second time.
I struggled those first two years after graduation to get some traction with my practice, but with the hours I put into my job, it just didn’t happen. I finally decided in the Summer of 2016 that I had to make a decision. Was this a hobby or a business? I gave my notice in August of 2016 and my final day in corporate was November 25, 2016. I’ve never looked back and never regretted my decision or my actions.
So what do I do now? I’m a sex and hormone specialist and my passion is helping people get their sex lives back on track. I’ve lived through my lack of sex drive then my husband’s low libido so I understand what’s going on. I know it’s hard on relationships when one wants sex and the other doesn’t. You don’t want to cheat or end your relationship but sometimes it gets really frustrating. I understand.
I can’t tell you how important it is to lead a healthy lifestyle … you know … eat your veggies, stay away from sugar, stay hydrated (no … coffee does not count …. sorry), stay active, manage your stress, get plenty of sleep. When you eat well (this is different for different people), exercise and enjoy a satisfying sex life, the rest of your life improves.
For some people it’s the excess weight they’re carrying or health concerns that scare away the sex drive. Prescription medication (especially for depression and anxiety) can absolutely destroy your libido. You might go through the motions but it really does nothing for you and your partner is generally left feeling a little less fulfilled because you didn’t enjoy it. Oftentimes it’s some sort of hormonal imbalance. Sometimes it’s lack of communication and intimacy in a relationship. Sometimes you’re just so damned tired from all the responsibilities in life that sex seems more like a chore than an amazing expression of love.
There is a way out and I would love to help you. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sandy O’Shea, CNP
Sex & Hormone Specialist