Living out your Comfort Zone

Lately the subject of getting outside of your comfort zone has come up a LOT. What IS your comfort zone and why should you push past it? Is it a relationship, a job, a friendship, your sex life?

I’m a sex and hormone nutritionist so my focus is getting you out of your sexual comfort zone. Why do that? Because life is so much fuller when you have a great sex life. What if your libido is tanked and you’re just not that interested any more? I can help there too because chances are … there’s a hormonal imbalance going on and that’s what I specialize in. You can email me at sandy@steppingstoneswellnessinc.com.

In case you haven’t figured it out by now … I love sex. I think it’s one of the best things in life and yet for so many it’s still such a taboo subject. Why is it shocking that a woman would openly admit to loving sex? What if she’s into kink or multiple partners? Why is that wrong?

Are you REALLY enjoying your sex life? Are you pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone? What if you’re single … are you sticking to old patterns or are you opening yourself up to new experiences? Do you stick with the safety of the known (even if it’s really not good for you) or do you attract the type of person you want and deserve? These may be uncomfortable questions for you but please let me explain.

I was at an event a year or so ago and met a woman who will forever stay in my mind. I was just venturing into the realm of sex and hormones for my practice, much to the chagrin of family and friends and was a little hesitant to pursue this. But the more I talked to people, the more they acknowledged that this was a much-needed area of practice and I knew in my heart and in my gut that this is what I was meant to do.

Anyway … we got talking and I was relating to her an experience I had which involved conversations about kink. I used the term “vanilla” with respect to people with more conservative sex lives. She said “I’m pretty vanilla” to which I replied “that’s ok”. Then she responded with “but I don’t want to be vanilla”, which led us into a conversation about why she was afraid to be more adventurous in the bedroom, which in turn led to an open dialogue with her husband. Open communication is CRITICAL when it comes to sex, whether you’re talking about expectations, wants, desires … doesn’t matter. You’ve got to be honest with each other … and yourself for that matter.

For so many of us, we were raised to believe that sex was for marriage (or at least a committed relationship), that men were sex crazy and women were just there to please their man. And what about men being older than women? I say this is all hogwash!! If a man dates a younger woman he’s a stud but if a woman dates a younger man, then she’s what????? If a man is dating several women at one time, he’s a stud but if a woman does the same thing, she’s a slut? Say what????? It’s time to change that perception. It’s time to stop judging and just accept everyone for who they are … in and out of the bedroom.

Here’s the thing … human beings need to grow or they stagnate. This is true about sex as well. Let’s face it … having sex with the same person for years without trying something different is BORING!!! Would you eat exactly the same thing for breakfast or lunch of dinner for years on end??? You might, but would it excite you? Probably not.

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently. She’s in her early 50’s, beautiful, successful with a “don’t mess with me” attitude. She found herself single last year after a long-term relationship and has finally dipped her toe into the dating pool. She knows I’m very open-minded when it comes to sex and relationships so she asked me if 33 was too young. I said “go for it”!!! Whether it’s for a coffee date or a hook up, who cares??? I’ve been encouraging her to push her limits. She’s not so sure about that. I’ll continue to work on her 😉

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe that you should have certain boundaries. There are some things I can say with certainty that I will NOT do in the world of kink. I don’t care what others do as long as it’s consensual. There’s some pretty wild stuff out there and if that’s what you’re into … good on you.

I never thought I’d be into certain things. I was adamant about it for a very long time and was then convinced to TRY it. If I didn’t like it, we didn’t have to do it again. So I tried it and damned if I didn’t LOVE it. It just goes to show you that you never really know unless you try it.

So whether it’s being restrained, blindfolded, smacked, using toys, anal sex, or full blown kink, I encourage you to keep an open mind, but be smart and safe about it. If you’re really unsure about something, make sure you’re playing with someone you trust implicitly. Make sure there’s a safe word. Start off slowly and try different things. Toys are usually the safest place to start and I can get you those.  You can email me at sandy@steppingstoneswellnessinc.com. But please … do yourself a favour … don’t say no to something you haven’t tried. You never know … you may find that you’re a seriously kinky person. You may also find that you’re NOT comfortable with pushing boundaries and you need to stay inside your lines and that’s OK. But at least you tried.

While my main passion (yup … pun intended) is sex, I encourage you to step outside your comfort zone in the rest of your life as well. Whether it’s new foods, travelling somewhere new, trying on clothes that are different than your usual, listening to different types of music, learning something new, be it by book, video or conference. We get stuck in our ruts … and you know that a rut is just a grave with the ends knocked out. Don’t live in your grave.

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