This is one of my more vulnerable posts. I don’t do them often (perhaps I should) because it’s always been so difficult for me to admit that I’m not in control of my life. But truly, what is control, and how many of us really are in control of our lives?
The past month has been difficult to say the least. I didn’t even realize how difficult it had been until this past Tuesday. I attended a networking event with my favourite group of powerhouse women and then I attended a workshop on EFT aka emotional freedom technique or tapping. Our leader had barely started the workshop when I ended up in tears. Yes, I’m a crier. I cry when I’m happy, sad, frustrated, angry … you name it … if it’s an intense emotion, I will cry. And yet I hate letting others see me so vulnerable. I grew up with the attitude that tears were a sign of weakness. I have a lot of deprogramming to do J
I started off with a fairly small family and I was born much later in life than what was average for those times. Most of my family is deceased which is to be expected. I have two cousins I keep in touch with and that’s about it. One sibling is in Alberta and responds when I reach out but he rarely reaches out to me. The other is not that far away but our worlds, and our mindsets, are polar opposite. Apparently I stress her out way too much and she has decided that she cannot handle me and has severed ties with me. That is fine, it is her prerogative to do so. That was about a month ago. Until yesterday, I struggled so hard with that. We are family after all. We’re supposed to be there for each other no matter what, right? That’s how I was raised.
She asked me a question the last time we communicated. She asked me if I would be friends with her if we weren’t related. I thought about that yesterday and the answer was a resounding no. Two years ago, yes I would have. Now? I don’t have the energy or the inclination to have someone in my life who drains me. So I have decided to let her go, wish her and her family well, and focus on the people who want me in their lives.
I have surrounded myself with positive, uplifting people who appreciate my determination, my forthrightness, my passion, my positive attitude and my quirky sense of humour. This is my family now. I cannot, and will not, allow anyone to dampen my spirit or allow their toxic attitude to stop me from building a kick ass life for my husband and myself.
How will I do that? By being my authentic self, by serving others, by staying focused on all the positive things that life has to offer and by working my butt off.
Do I believe in positive thinking? Absolutely. Do I believe that positive thinking alone with change my life? Nope. I believe (and I’m not saying that anyone else needs to believe this, I’m just sharing my thoughts) that you need to think what you want into existence by a positive attitude AND positive actions. You gotta do the work. There’s no getting around that.
Don’t get me wrong. Letting go of someone I care about a lot is not easy, but I had to do it for my own sanity. It took a while before I got to that place. But my “gut” had been telling me for quite some time that I needed to let go. I found out how much she resented me and it devastated me. But that is how she feels and she’s totally entitled to it. But I need to let go of that negativity. Since I have, the freedom and lightness that I feel is indescribable.
Why am I sharing this very difficult, personal topic with you? Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve talked to so many people over the years who have issues with family. But it’s true … family is not who you’re related to by blood; it’s who you love and support and who loves and supports you without any expectations. You just accept each other for who you are, differences and all.
So where do I go from here? Upwards and onwards baby!!! I’m on a mission to change this world, one woman at a time. I want to empower them and help them on their way to taking control of their hormones, their sexuality, their life.
If you need help, please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Wishing you all the very best.
Sandy O’Shea, CNP