This is a subject that I hadn’t really thought that much about until recently. Perhaps because I just took it for granted but there are so many people who do not.
What do I mean by acceptance? It’s multi faceted.
Most importantly there’s acceptance of yourself as a human being. We live in a time when so many people have their lives on Facebook and Instagram, modified by filters and only showing the very best parts of their lives as a rule. It’s so easy for someone who does not have a great self-image to beat themselves up, to feel inadequate, to feel like they’re missing out on something and I totally understand that. I’ve caught myself feeling that way myself and I’ve got a pretty good handle on who I am … now. There was a time when that was definitely not the case. Here’s the thing; you’re only seeing what people want you to see, not the whole story. Let’s start this journey by accepting ourselves, where we are right this minute, and just breathe. Do we want to improve our lives? Of course! I would never encourage anyone to settle for where they are; simply to accept where they are and love themselves. Then go to work changing what they don’t like.
Then there’s acceptance of others and where they are on their journey. Is it normal to judge and make assumptions of others? Of course it’s normal. It’s human nature. It doesn’t mean, however, that you have to buy into it. Brené Brown talks about the stories we tell ourselves in Rising Strong. Fabulous book; I highly recommend it. We do not, however, have to stick with those stories. We don’t know another person’s full situation so let’s cut them some slack and not judge. There’s a customer I see periodically at the store I work at part time. She is one of the lowest energy people I’ve ever met. She’s not miserable; just different. My understanding is that she’s quite sick. No wonder her energy is so low. So rather than calling her miserable and weird and any number of things, I try to remember that she’s fighting her own battles. We all are. Do we want to be judged by our appearance? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made assumptions about people and situations too. I usually get a friendly reminder that things are not always as they seem, so I try to just accept people as they are. I know I appreciate it when people do this for me.
Since my focus is on sex and hormones, I must comment on acceptance of sexual preferences, orientation, likes, dislikes, etc. I’m talking first and foremost about your own preferences, orientation, likes and dislikes. You may think you’re weird because you like to have your butt smacked during sex or you love having your hair pulled or being restrained. Maybe you love to watch other people having sexual encounters. Perhaps your preference is to be with someone of the same sex but you’re afraid to lead that lifestyle. This is the acceptance that is so important. It’s really nobody else’s business what your preferences are as long as they are legal. Please realize that there are so many “kinks” when it comes to sex and they’re all acceptable. Whether you like to dress up like a little girl and call a guy “daddy” or you’re a strong person and prefer to take control, you’re normal and worthy of love and acceptance; especially your own.
In the coming weeks I’ll be talking periodically about the kink lifestyle. I’ve met some interesting people lately who have opened my eyes to different lifestyles. I’ve made a good friend who’s the head of a poly family and he’s been educating me. I’ve been learning about the differences between dom, master and sadist. I gotta be honest … some of this stuff freaks me out. I cannot fathom how anyone would be into some of this stuff (I promise not to get into graphic detail about any of it) but it’s none of my business what others do in their sex life as long as they enjoy it and it’s all consensual and legal.
Long and short of this post … please … love and accept yourself with all your quirks and likes and dislikes and differentness and know that you are fabulous.
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead. Until next time.
Sandy O’Shea, CNP