This has been a tough post for me to write because it exposes a part of me I never wanted anyone to see. It shows that I am human and therefore subject to all those very human and annoying emotions. It articulates the triumphs and the struggles over the past few years.
I struggled most of my life with my weight and my relationship with food. And then I met my health coach who changed my life. He taught me how to eat better and helped me lose 60 pounds in a year. He inspired me to make a huge change in my life. I’ve always been interested in health and wellness but took a detour for a number of years. It was time to get back on track so I went to school for holistic nutrition and graduated as a Certified Nutritional Practitioner.
The first year working with Andrew (my coach) was amazing. I learned so much about myself. I learned how to accept and love myself for who I was … not for what I looked like. I learned that there was a reason for the way my crazy brain worked (mild ADD) and it helped me feel more grounded. I understood myself better. The weight was falling off like crazy … I was working out like a fiend 5 or 6 days a week. I was in constant contact with him. Life was awesome. And then I started school.
I managed to maintain that 60 pound weight loss through the first year of school. I was stressed but I was still ok. I learned that I’m actually a lot smarter than I’ve ever given myself credit for. I almost took a break at one point but several people encouraged me to just keep going … that I could do it. So I did. What a victory!
Second year of school started the decline that would haunt me for a couple of years. As the pounds started creeping up, and the stress was climbing, my self-esteem started to take a beating. After all … I was a nutritionist. I was supposed to know how to keep my weight under control…how to manage my hormones. I was supposed to look a certain way and act a certain way because that’s what’s expected. Which added more stress to my already stressed out body and mind.
I beat myself up so badly at one point that it almost cost me my relationship with my coach because I took it out on him. In reality, I felt like a failure. I had been his star and here I was sliding back. I had vowed never to go back to where I was and while I’m a long way from there, if I don’t put a stop to this slow weight gain, I will end up back there. So instead of focusing on where I don’t want to be, I’ve started focusing on where I will be because where the mind goes is where your life will go. Back to the great figure … but more importantly, better health, better stamina, better outlook on life.
I have a friend who came into my life a while ago who has challenged me in other ways. My friend has pushed me to question my limits, to question what I want in life, question what I’m afraid of. I never realized how much fear ruled my life until I started to look deeper into what motivates me. I have a newfound attitude of being willing to push myself beyond the constraints, to try new things, to not let fear stop me from doing the things I really want to do. I grew up with so many fears and constraints and what was “acceptable” or not. I’m finally breaking down those barriers to the life I want.
I had a bit of a meltdown a couple of weeks ago and Andrew coached me through it. He truly is an amazing person … a fabulous coach. Since then I’ve regained my calmness, my focus, my joy in life. I’ve stopped beating myself up. My eating is back under control. I’m being more mindful of when and what I eat which, quite frankly, is a huge part of weight loss. I was so self-destructive. Eating what wasn’t great for me. Mindless eating. Not working out enough. Putting way too much pressure on myself. But now I am back on track. I am journaling again every night. I walk every chance I get. Instead of going out shopping at lunch I plug in with some upbeat music (Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars puts a smile on my face and a swagger in my step every time) and away I go. And I will be back to that woman with the great smile.
Why do I write this? To let you know that it’s ok to have a setback. It’s ok to be human and to make questionable choices regarding your health. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about slipping or self-sabotage or neglect. The important thing is to pick yourself up, re-evaluate what you want out of life. Not what others think you need. What do YOU need and want to make yourself happy. Whatever that is, pursue that and don’t let anybody bully you into doing something you won’t be happy doing.
We are special. We are worthy. Now is the time to get focused and to work on an outstanding future.
And if you need some help or guidance, I’d love to hear from you and help in any way that I can.
Wishing you all the very best that life has to give you.